Failed Wish Game [Redwall Type]

[Brooke]

Basically what you do is this:

Person 1: I wish I could have a cookie

Person 2: Granted, but its burnt and poisoned and you die.
I wish I could have a dollar.

Person 3: Granted....

And so on and so forth except for this is REDWALL related, I'll put up a normal one if this one gets enough traffic. I'll start:

I wish Brooke would become Abbess.

[cheeseerdoodle]

granted, but she ends up getting lost in moss flower and never seen again after the first day.

I wish Slinders' horde would get some brains and do things right.

[Brooke]

Granted, BUT they get so smart that they all plot against each other and end up killing each other until only one is left.

I wish that River would escape from the Fort.

[Maxodis]

Granted! Only problem is River suddenly realizes:
1.) He forgot how to cover his own tracks
2.) It is winter, he has little clothing to keep warm
3.) He has no food, nor can he find any in the snow

Caught up in the despair in the situation, River curls up into a ball and misses his mother. He is easily collected by the hordebeasts sent out after him and taken back to Fort N'Tashi. Oh well.

I wish there was a Nazi Reich for Vsevolod to take down. Single-pawed. With his cleaver.

[Treble Tiderunner]

You have succeeded in the following:
There is a Nazi Reich for Vsevolod to take down. Single-pawed. With his cleaver.

You have failed in the following:
Vsevolod fails and dies a slow death.

I wish Tirael were easier to spell.

[Maxodis]

(( Bah, I should have given him a PPSh-41.))

Granted! The English language adapts to make it easier to spell Tirael. Only problem is you do not adapt with it. You can no longer spell anything correctly.

I wish these peaceful days of winter break didn't have to end on Tuesday. Belated facepalm, that en't redwall.

I wish...I wish we were allowed to create and employ ballistae.

[Shor]

Granted, but the previously adapted English language has made "ballistae" a virtually un-spellable word, and the existence of the entire concept is completely denied with the word.

I wish that Redwall Abbey was crafted out of cheese instead of sandstone.

[nicodemus]

Granted, but it is made of feta and therefore tastes quite awful. In addition, the place can no longer really be called "Redwall", since feta is neither red nor terribly wall-like (particularly when eaten). No one is ever able to find the place again.

I wish Martin was more direct when he appears in visions. It'd save so much time.

[Maxodis]

Granted! Martin begins to practice the art of "straight-talking", develops a swollen god-knows-what on his left cheek, wears business suits, and begins to say "My Friends" at the end of every sentence. He then proceeds to lose the presidential election by a wide margin. Oh well.

I wish there was more to choose for vermin than "Ferret, Weasel, Stoat, Rat" and the like.

[nicodemus]

Granted, and you are mauled by Lord Eddard the direwolf/grizzly bear hybrid, whose existence was allowed because of your wish.

I wish the badgers would get a new war-cry besides Eulalia.

[Treble Tiderunner]

There are, and you are forced to suggest them in the thread.
They do, they now call "CHEEEEEEEEEEESE!" as they charge into battle. Sadly, this is not very effective against vermin and the vast majority of the badgers/hares die.

I wish my charries were real.

[nicodemus]

They were, but they had trouble adjusting to life in the human world, and became very sad and joined a traveling menagerie. Now they are paid in bits of drywall and have dreams of being characters in a fantastical world of talking animals like themselves.

I wish it rained strawberry cordial.

[Brooke]

Granted, BUT it rains everyday therefore, you are always sticky and miserable and sick of it/

I wish...
that Rose had lived and married Martin!

[Maxodis]

Granted! Only it alters history slightly. Martin is now known as "Martin the househusband". Bad things happen. Too tired to define them, but they're bad. And silly.

Furthermore, pineapple.

Oh well.

I wish I wish I was a fish. No.

I wish I could employ the use of Molotov cocktails without the small concern of BURNING DOWN THE ENTIRETY OF MOSSFLOWER.

[Treble Tiderunner]

Grrrrranted! You now may use 'molotov cocktails' without the SMALL concern of burning down the ENTIRETY of Mosssssflowwwerrrrr! Now you have the BIG certainty that you WILL burn down the ENTIRE world!

-stops bellowing like a bad talk-show host- Whew...

I wish Max was a fish.