Addersbane

[Addersbane]

Name: Addersbane
Age: 24 Years
Birthplace: The North
Gender: Male
Species: Stoat
Job/Position: N/A
Physical Description:

A stoat like any other, well not really. Addersbane is mostly like any other stoat, other than the fact he is a good inch longer in body, his muscle mass equivalent to this increase in height and is possessed of a permanently white complexion. Why is this you may ask? Well, it comes from many moons ago when he got into a fight with the creature that his name comes from, the creature bit into his head and the ensuing damage from the fangs and toxins not only left him with the scarring across his skull, but also damage in the area that regulated the growth of fur according to the season. This of course means that since his fur is always thick and silky, he gets quite hot during the summer months and this can be quite a disadvantage.

What else can be said for this creature? Well, he has few markings to tell him apart from other stoats (aside from what was previously mentioned, of course) but he is missing his tongue, therefore making him mute. Oh, as a side note he is missing a single claw on his right forepaw.

Belongings:

Belongings? Well, this creature of ill intent possesses no belongings other than a large sword that is strapped to his back, a strong straight blade forged from titanium, making it stronger than most other conventional swords for it's weight.

Personality:

Hmmmm, what makes Addersbane who he is? Well, first of all he has always been a sort of cruel kind of creature, sadistic to the point where he went around lopping the heads of little field mice just because he could. However, of late he has become...stupider, maybe it's just the fact that he succeeded in slaying an adder, or maybe it is the poison acting upon his brain, but he fears nothing and fights stupidly. He goes after creatures larger than he, he attempts to jump ravines that he has no hope of clearing, really he is at a point where he should be dead but through sheer dumb luck or divine intervention, hasn't died...yet.

History:

A story of triumph, despair, death, damnation, tyranny, sadicity, these words and many more could be used to describe the long tale that is the life of Addersbane. However, only a small portion of his story may be told, and that is how he came to possess the title that all know him as. Why only this part of his tale? Why not weave the tapestry from beginning to end rather than just pulling a single thread out and showing it off? Because time my friend, time and importance. For the most important part of his existence, is how he gained the brand that labels him as the bane of adders.

Our story begins one winter night, a night like any other winter night for the one who’s true name is lost now in the sands of time. This young stoat was dealing in death, as he always did upon these days. He hunted for mice, voles and other creatures asleep in their dens for the winter, finding and ripping them from what they thought a safe haven, only to slaughter them and consume but a fraction. The rest, he left to rot. Why did he do this? Because he could, because he enjoyed it, and for no other reason than this did he need to justify his actions.

But his continued murder of innocents was not to go unpunished, and this is where we come to the most important part of the important part of our story, here he deemed it intelligent to enter a hole that he knew could not belong to a mouse, a vole or any other small creature that he could easily slaughter, no, rather he entered it because he was careless and foolish, not realizing that in doing so he placed himself upon deaths door. The hole, and ensuing tunnels, belonged to a snake. This was no small snake either, this was a great and mighty serpent, an adder of the most vicious type, a creature that could easily swallow the stoat whole, and yet, as you know, our hero (or villain rather) survives and emerges triumphant. I will not bore you, however, with the details of how our dear stoat slayed the creature, but rather simply tell you that his great wit allowed him to escape the creatures maw and in turn drop a rock upon it’s head, crushing it and in turn killing the adder.

What did he suffer? He suffered damage to his mind, causing him to no longer feel pain nor be able to feel at all physically, he was no longer able to change his fur with the seasons either, and so he would suffer in the great heat of the summer months beneath his silky soft and heavy white fur.

Years passed, he lost his tongue after having joined up with a rat and having it cut from his mouth for voicing treason against the leader, only to slay the very creature who did so, and now he wanders, a great sword upon his back and his fur ever white, searching and killing, following orders of those he deems worthy to apply his services to, and ultimately doing as he wishes.

Code Words: Tears trifle

[Maxodis]

Let me preface by saying its a good start! You've definitely got a literary voice and a bit of flair. While I would like to leave you a lengthy and enumerated list of improvements -I- would like to see, Skipp has spent at least two years bopping me on the head for this and firmly reminding me that the point is to get your profile to pass the FORUM'S standards, not my own.

That said,

Though its been years and years and years since I personally have read any of Brian Jacques' books (I think I stopped at Taggerung), I seem to recall his interpretation of his characters to be rather loose. Lacking a better term at the moment, I will define this better as "Anthropomorphicity". I am referring to the degree to which his characters were to be imagined as human-like, or anthropomorphic. This can easily vary from the size and shape of the actual creature to an actual human figure with characteristics of the given creature. In this case, a stoat.

The impression I get from this biography is that your character is closer to the animal-shaped side of this spectrum rather than the human-shaped. This might present a fundamental problem, as most all characters (at least to my reckoning, please correct me if I interpret this wrong) on this forum have a rather strong rating of Anthropomorphicity, in other words leaning heavily towards the human-shaped end of the spectrum. We find that this allows our characters to be played with more freedom, and makes them easier to relate to, among other things.

I say this because of the way you describe your character. One such problem would be the age, which you have listed as 3 years. By our standards, that would be a toddler. We go by human years, and you would do well to adjust accordingly.

A second but more debatable detail is how you describe your character to be "a good inch longer in body". With a character of a higher Anthropomorphicity, that would be better stated as a measure of height. But again, I'm nitpicking.

Beyond that, staple information. How does your character often dress? If he is a sadist, does his expression reflect it? A creature cannot survive with just a weapon on their person, what else would he carry? Besides his surface personality, what other aspects of his personality are there? What lies beneath the face he puts out? Is he really who we would think him to be on face value? Why or why not? What are his strengths? Weaknesses? What makes him imperfect? What makes him "human"?

And most importantly, for his history, how did he get to where he is today? Has he always been sadistic? if not, what was he like before? What changed? What experiences has he had to change and shape him into who he is today?

I could go on, but I'm beginning to fear I'm going to be smacked again.

[Addersbane]

XD, the point is to make him as close to an animal as possible~

Also...why do we go by human years...I'm not sure if that is how BJ did it, so just a random question, I was simply making it so that he was relative to his species life expectancy.

In response to the dress part, he doesn't need to dress, and wouldn't in most cases like any other animal. He can survive with only a weapon because, well, that's how animals survive in the wild, with even less actually.

For personality and deep thoughts, well, he is an animal, there is nothing really to him other than what is stated, no deep desire for love or retribution, simply everything that is stated is what he is and what makes him him, no other aspects exist. What are his strengths? Well, why throw all his strengths and weaknesses out for anyone who doesn't know how to read into a character? Why point out in words such as "What makes this character imperfect is blah blah blah" really, since he is exactly how he is described, then one can draw the conclusions to all of these with very little thinking *shrugs* at leas that's the way how I see it.

Anyways, what your main issue (Nitpicking as you call it XD) seems to be is the lack of human characteristics and human personality and attributes for this character, you state that the people on the board find it easier and it allows for a broader range of RPing. Well, I suppose this is true, but the thing is this character is created to fit what I want and how I want to RP, so my question is this...does it really matter that I don't have him as "anthropomorphic" as everyone else? Like, if it will hinder my acceptance process (Due to rules or some such thing) then I'll gladly change things around, but if not I'd prefer to leave it pretty much the way he is.

Also, in response to your thing with the history, it does say that he has always been sadistic and such (Essentially) where it talks about what he was doing, how he was "dealing in death, like he always did upon these days." Although it doesn't go into detail, one can reasonably draw the conclusion that the character is pretty much the same as he always has been.

[lorki]

The age thing we do in years to keep it uniform. Seasons can confuse people and, considering all animals have different life spans, it's easier to just slap a basic human life span onto all of them so that we know for sure what sort of age group they fit into. Even if your characters age was based in seasons he'd only be 12 which still seems quite young for characteristics you've given him. i can't really judge how appropriate or realistic of a character he is until i can tell how old he is, in comparison to the other characters on this board.

[Addersbane]

Mmmmmm, woops, I'll change his age right now

[Treble Tiderunner]

Thank you Addersbane. I'm sorry for your wait, I hope you can forgive us.

Please, Max may not be a staff member, but he does have the approval of the staff to offer guidance on bios. Though you had no way of knowing this, so I can understand.

We allow each person to interpret their character the way they wish (as Brian Jacques said: "They are as big as you think they are") but the guidance offered in the form should be followed. This means, yes, you should "point out in words for anyone who doesn't know how to read into a character." I'm not asking you to say "He's imperfect blah-blah" but to give a more detailed look into his personality.

I'll also like to see more of his history, for as it is now it seems more like a continuation of his personality, and not really a chronicle of his earlier years and current life. And the sword, for the setting's sake, can't be titanium, my apologies.

Please make these corrections (and ask any questions you have) and I will check again when you are ready.

Skipp