Zeron Firetail

[shadow]

Name: Zeron Firetail
Age: 21
Birthplace: An island far off to the south.
Gender: Male
Species: Ferret
Job/Position: Mercenary
Physical Description:

Firetail is 6 feet tall, gaunt, and fairly handsome. Most of his fur is a light brown though his from the bottom half of his muzzle to half of the side of his legs he's a creamy white. The only miscolored thing is the last few inches of his tail which starts out at a dark orange and ends in a dark red because he dyes it. His eyes are a cold and piercing ice blue and he has one sharp tooth hanging out on the right side of his mouth. In his right ear he also has two little gold hoops and he wears a necklace with a black crystal around his neck that has been in his family for generations. He wears a midnight blue coat with a matching cape and collar and a oval shaped hat that goes up in the middle and has a black feather poking out of the top. (Like in the old days.) Around his waist he wears a black belt with various pouches in which he keeps an assorement of items.

Belongings:

His weapons include the poisons and daggers he keeps in his pouches but their not his trademark. The thing he's known for is a scythe strapped to his back which he named Deathsong. He had it specially made by a master ironsmith before he started his hunt for the murderers of his family. Its a little taller than him and the top part is curved like a crescent moon with holes dug in throughout the inside of the blade so that whenever it swings the last thing his victim heres in a whistling noise that can be similar to the sound a flute or even the wind makes. He always keeps some of his loot and money on him in case he's ever in a tight spot as well.

Personality:

Firetail on the outside is calm and collected, even in the toughest situations. He appears nice and friendly but if he doesn't like you he'll kill you the moment your back is turned. One of his main strengths is his power of persuasion. He uses his looks, smooth voice , and deceitful ways to control and persuad others to bend to his will. Though he can be sneaky and mean if you can befriend him he'll be loyal till the end.
Strengths: Persuasion, deception, speed and agility, quick thinking, and stealth.

Weaknesses: Short tempered, gets excited when battling, and has a soft spot for young ones because of what happened when he was a kid

History:

Zeron grew up with his mother and father and lived with them and his two little brothers all his life in a little home by the sea. He lived happily with his family then one day when he turned 9 his father gave his a mysterious neckless with a black crystal on it saying that its been in the family for a long time and was discovered by his great grandfather on an island said to be filled with treasure from a long dead famous corsair. Unfortunately he could never find the island again but the crystal was supposed to be the key to the treasure. Zerons been dreaming about it ever since.

One day, shortly after he turned 15, a band of 5 vermin from a passing corsair ship came and attacked his family. His father pushed his into the ocean where he was carried off by the current but not before seeing his house being burnt to the ground and his family slaughtered. He washed up on the far off coast in mossflower. On that day he changed and vowed tw things. To get revenge on the scum who did this to him and to never make a connection again so he could never be hurt. By age 19 he had found and picked off every one of the corsairs who'd attacked him and made them suffer as he had. Once he had his revenge he realised that now he had no real purpose with no family, friends, or a goal so he bacame a mercenary so he could travel around and have something to do while making a quick penny here and there. He's currently wandering around lookign for employment.

Code Words: Applesauce Trifle

[pie4me]

I am assuming you are done with this bio... if not, please kick me! Anyways...
There are a few things you need to change here. And add as well. In the "Belongings" section, you said his last name is Deathsong. But then, where it asks for his name, you said his name was Zeron Firetail (Which would imply that his last name is Firetail). So yes... that needs to be altered.

In the Physical Description you said he wears a necklace with a black crystal around his neck. But then in the history you said his father pushed him into the water and his house was burned... so how exactly did he end up with the necklace? I think that should be one of the things you explain in the history.

You also need to add a list of his strengths and weaknesses in the Personality section. As in:

Weaknesses:
-blah blah
-blah
-blah blah

Strengths:
-Blah
-blah

Or something like that. The most imporant thing I noticed was that you did not have at least 12 sentences in your history, which is required before any of the staff can accept this bio.

Sooooooo... the above are the things you need to change before a staff member can accept your bio. Again, if you weren't done with this and you already knew all of the above, sorry about wasting your time.

Your doing good by the way! =)

(Pssst, the code words are Applesauce Trifle!)

[shadow]

Oops. Sorry. I'll fix it now. And thanks. And seriously? Those are the code words? Wow =3

[Maxodis]

I just wanted to point out that its not particularly required for a profile to have an enumerated list of strengths and weaknesses. To be sure, he could elaborate a bit but its fine to put them in sentences.

If the necklace described is a family heirloom, I don't think its entirely unreasonable for him to have it in his possession at the time of his family's murder; Fifteen is thematically as good an age as any to inherit family treasures.

I do have a few suggestions of my own, the first and foremost being the explanation behind the odd color at the tip of his tail. I'll leave it to the mods to decide how realistic they wanna go but near as I can tell severe burns don't so much color fur as they retard its growth. And sorta melt the skin.

That aside, I must ask why his nickname would be Flame if its in reference to his tail which was altered in an event as disturbing as the violent death of his family? If he doesn't like talking about it, I don't see how he'd enjoy being called it by name.

I think the bit about being called a kid is obsolete if he's tall, gaunt, and fairly handsome. Also being 21, he doesn't quite qualify for being called that by anyone(Except for my Redin, but then again that weasel's also a bit of an.... well, I can't say it here.).

Beyond that, some filler on how he came about his weapon and profession of choice, how he got to where he is today, and I think you'd be golden.

[shadow]

Okay I fixed it. I think thats everything now. =3

[pie4me]

I don't think that you fixed the things that Max said above. Oh... I know this is sort of a small thing, but there are only 12 sentences in your history. I know right? I'm sort of weird that way. Anyways, so when you fix the things Max said to do then I may be able to Approve it unless there is something I missed...

Oh and about the necklace, I just thought it would be a good way to make his history longer is all. The S/W lists... I thought that it was a rule. Guess its not, and thats good to know. lol. But glad you put it in your bio anyways.

[shadow]

Okay. NOW I think I fixed it. ^^"

[pie4me]

Okay, so I am assuming the reason you left his job slot blank is because he is out of employment at the moment (as you specified in you history). It looks pretty good so I am going to go ahead and accept it!

~Accepted~

Have fun! Hope he works out for you!